The Company of Myself

The corn leaves sways with the wind.
So does my heart
Your coming and going is like that of a sparrow
A few years in length.

The raindrops are falling on my head, forever drenching me
I was with you in the forest, and I watched you as you grinned. 
Though those days are a silhouette, no longer in my possession
The rain is still here, I don't know what will follow

Your dark eyes, hazel, if you look too close, betrayed me
I gave you my collections, but you tore them apart,
I wish I had never listened.
I wonder if I will fly again, I wonder what will give me strength.

I don't even know if I'm going to end this foolishness in making you see,
That you had become the subject of my depression.

But I'm not letting go.
I'm not letting go just yet.




Here I am, in the company of myself.
Shattered?
Perhaps I should have never gathered the bread.

A small talk at the back of beyond

(begun at 11:20 AM, June 7, ended 8:20 June 8)

One of the things that strikes me solemn is the game, "A Small Talk at the Back of Beyond", along with the history of Marceline and Ice King/Simon Petrikov, and a video of a commercial that Dean showed me and Shelby at The Old Spaghetti House, which was the last I saw of him and her ever since. (LOL that was December last year)

After a day of worship practice, Filipino studies and 'We Bought a Zoo', I went downstairs with my laptop. I checked Chelsea and FB stuff first, then decided to play games. I went to Coolmath to play Sugar, Sugar, anbutd Friv to find a good game. I decided to play Coma on Friv, bt it wasn't there so I just went to http://armorgames.com/play/6286/. I played Sugar, Sugar, and chatted with my classmate Iolo on Facebook about random stuff, using 'LOL' and other various forms of laughing in almost every message. Coma loaded, and I was plunged into the memory of playing it in my hometown, Masbate, home for my Lolo (Grandpa) Val's funeral and my cousins were there, taking turns to play on the laptop. I remembered finding Coma on Friv, intrigued by the title. Jania watched me as I played it, and I occasionally looked at walkthroughs through the game. I did not finish it the second time, though. 
But before I could play it, I was commissioned to watch my brother, sleeping, upstairs. I went, still chatting with Iolo, and started Coma. It opened to the inside of the house, in the kind of theme I dreamed of for my own house, though a bit too eerie. The game unfolded in events of grief, and it had some complicated platforms I tried hard to pass through. I told Iolo about what I felt, and here it is:

K.

;D

I'm playing Coma.................

go

its theme is kinda like my dream thing

I mean, not the dream last night lol

Never mind.....

uhhhhh

Yes or no?

Lol

Yes or no...?

Blast it I said no

This game is super cool

8:18pm

Ah, the word to describe it is 'melancholic'.

Jivan woke up, and Mom took him. I realized I was having one of my 'good times' (O_O lolwat) playing Coma in the room, the lighting was a bit dark, the brown fan was spinning, and I was lying on the bed, playing alone (though God is always with me XD). 
A bit bored of the hard parts, I searched up 'coma game meaning' on Google, and found it on this site: http://www.casualgirlgamer.com/articles/entry/22/Ten-games-that-make-you-think-about-life/. Yes, Coma did make me think about life. I browsed through the other games it talked about, and picked 'I Wish I Were the Moon' and a few other games, but I didn't play them that much. I went downstairs, because I think the people downstairs would call me down, eventually.
So I played http://www.kongregate.com/games/danielben/i-wish-i-were-the-moon, and it was amazing. Here is what Casual Girl Gamer said:

I WISH I WERE THE MOON

Daniel Benmergui has become something of a legend in the world of arty games, thanks to quirky gaming gems like Today I Die. Perhaps my favourite game of his is I Wish I Were the Moon. For this game, Daniel drew his inspiration from Italo Calvino's short story The Distance of the Moon about an odd love triangle. Daniel describes the game as follows: "I tried to make it about the exploration of an emotional situation instead of a physical space, without using any text."

(I know, I'm not the kind who reviews games :T) I just really liked the 'I Am Your Moon Ending', and that's all I'm going to say...

I went to eat dinner, and thought about I Wish I Were the Moon, and went back to my seat and tried another game called Today I Die. I didn't finish it though, because I had to wash the dishes, and my sister Abbie closed its window. After washing, they played MasterChef on TV, and I played A Small Talk at the Back of Beyond.

But now I can't write about it. I tried last night, and failed. I'll just write what I did write last night, on Facebook. 

"I am afraid. To die alone...

You have two choices... Would you rather stand a chance of 3.7% survival but probably die alone... Or go to certain death with someone to hold your hand? Which I ask you for."
"I will stay and hold your hand till we die."
"I am sorry, but I don't understand what you just said. Please rephrase.
However, you have two choices..."
"I am going to stay... with you."
"You are going to die. Are you sure?"
"I am."
"Very well... Thank you."

"At least I'm not alone."
:'(
This game makes me cry.

I'll hold your hand, LDAC, till the red giant's corona burns us up
...together.

Unless you want to cry inside and not get over this melancholic sci-fi-y game and talk with a computer who has feelings and is frequently talking about chess, the best pictures ever taken on Earth and a 320-page story he made that was set in Victorian London, and how he is afraid, don't play this game. 

A small talk at the back of beyond still leaves me shaken.
I know, I probably did not write enough for you to go and play those games. And to talk about what really happened... Let's just say something changed me emotionally last night.
Well, it's 8:14 AM and I'm still trying to get over this game and think about the present.




And I'm wondering if our special number "The Proof of Your Love" will work. 
Hosanna.... God be with us.....

Oh, I say, TV................................

Man, we just watched some Pinoy commercials on AXN, Chowking, Globe, Colgate, Dolfenal, Philam, etc.














...........on Nepali soil.

But..... Leo Messi...... in a Head&Shoulder advert...... in the Philippines......

ERR MERR GERDsdsdsdadhweouwahawuhgn iahfnkuafehvagriuhngvehsrgnviahrnvwehadlsvhvluhvaelrgvadhgf;vbrasfddasjfneherghrhgkjdfkghreuhguhsd;fgh;adhsfjhfgakgfksdgfhjgaweyfgksahjgfjasdbajsdfjgasfegfsgfasfdgagflefglagfldhjsagfljdgsfjagsdflyegfrgferigfaefguergfrfgahdgjbvdjdsbjsbsacbaksfglafagflagefigfiarglaiufgfaiefgisdugfksdvbasdvagsdfiufgksfgkefgaskdfbalsbclsdbcalsfbeuifergegsdflkasdfbdsbashgfeufgefgsfhHLHFSDFHHEFGgfgeigGGGEGFGEIFGSIFHSDFIHIHSDFIEGFAGSADFSADGFSEFUSEFIUGFEUGFSLDGFLSDLFJDSGFJKGESUFUEGFUGEFGDSKJFGKADKFGKEGFUFGDKSFGGEFGEUFGAKSDFGKLJSDGFEUFUGFKDSGFKLASDGFKLGKihrhafeoiahesfhasfkhasefaesifselfsadkjfjsdfkdsfbkhdfkasdgfieugfkuefgkseufgsdlgfjskfdgeguffeafdaefuaefygae8gyboigoqgfoqgwbfiqgf2hkgkwqiqwegvqevcqkwhgcqkuhgoqvbc,ab;/qf;qbvb;ewhvo3wygvbkqvbiwviwvmwvkqvcjwnqbcqihvqhfkvwqoifqoigvasgfdsjkgldghlsghakgfjkgfiofgsadasdasdsdsaijfhiwebhfwjeigv2wjebvorshuiohfjvbnwelkjgkwhbwgfivhwebvjkjkjkhsavjihswbvjksbviebvkjebvjkebviuebnkvcmeancnecljwhochljflhjfoihkfnelvhoqjc;qjlqwhfoqhfowqhjfoiwyofyowyfouiwghfbncjdbcjkanbanmdsbczxbckjahgqhewfoqyhfhfnekwyfuewhfdjahfkjahfkjhafoiwehyfoihfohfeuwhfoFGWEFUIWBFQOIQJFASDFGHJKLGBHJGJHWGOIUEHNVLKQWJVOWEHVOIJEWNVJKAEHNJHJHJHJBSDVIWHNVOWEHBVOUEWNVOEWNVLOWHNVUWVOOOUOUOUUHIUHYBJEKWVHBWEHAJKHVKJDHVJKDHVKJHDKJHEWIEWehgiweybvc

I hate bell peppers /(>o<)/

Bell peppers. I hate them.

Man, I don't even know why I'm posting a photo of it.

And I say, Mom's telling me that I have to cook it wif eggs tomorrow. 

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My irises aren't black :O

I just found out that my eyes weren't actually black. Lol

Actually, if you look at them in normal lighting, they look black. But I went to the mirror awhile ago and saw that they were really rust-colored, with some dark specks circling the pupil, and a black outer ring. I used an Energizer head light to see my irises, and man, how did mah eyes look black?! My eyes hurt after too much light exposure. HAHA wow 

I have a fascination with irises, as a matter of fact. I think I even have heterochromia iridum.  Sometimes I look at people's eyes and find out what color their eyes are. And if you use normal lighting to scale my eyes, they're a 16 in the Martin-Schultz scale, but if you put direct light to them, it's 11 maybe. 

Taken using a MacBook :/

eyes in normal bad MacBook light o.o

whatever, but if you look my eyes are black in sunlight. :T

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (LOL)

Yes, you might think I'm really weird. Welcome to my world.







Oh, and I wonder what Jesus's irises were colored like. Blue, brown or grey? Haha
JESUS GIVE ME UR EYES!!!!!! please

So I was up on the balcony

I took my stuffed penguin out for a bath. Then I took him upstairs to the balcony to hang him.

A Black Kite and a House Crow in conjunction

I found this Red-Vented Bulbul on the same spot earlier. It seems to be his roosting place. I called him Chik-Boy for no apparent reason. He flew off when I took a step nearer to him. Pity.

These are some of the kids that play every afternoon. Some days I watch the boys play football, wearing different jerseys, and myself hoping to join them or at least become a ballboy (ballgirl). Rabin dai, Abbie and I went up there once, with our bikes, and finally I did act as a ballboy once. I usually wear my Chelsea jersey going there.

Solar power thingamajig.

Penguin enduring being dried. He's five years old now.

A Rock Pigeon in flight.

My glamour shot .-.

A glance through my lens.

Another of those pigeons who like roosting on top of the water tanks. I once named one Elliot. Or was it Max? I can't remember.

I guess this is my right lens, which is +250.

Probably my left, +150.

Pigeons.

"All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small.... All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all."

"Perhaps the most dangerous place for a Christian to be is in safety and comfort."

"My dear mother (bless her heart) has some things to say about safety. Again, I'm her only child, so there's a lot at stake for her. As she watched me go to jail and travel to Iraq, with God's hand evidently in it all, my mom has learned a lot about faith, safety, and risk. It has not been easy, but recently she told me, "I have come to see that we Christians are not called to safety, but we are promised that God will be with us when we are in danger, and there is no better lace to be than in the hands of God." Perhaps the most dangerous place for a Christian to be is in safety and comfort."-Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution, 227.

I just love this book.
I want to go to Iraq, even though at the present it is impossible. But "I can do all things through Christ", and "an unjust law is no law at all."
Love your neighbor as yourself..
Blessed are the poor...for theirs is the kingdom of God.
Jesus was homeless.
"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the whole world blind" (and with dentures).
"The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church."






Jesus, give us courage.